Archives for posts with tag: honesty

Disclaimer: This is an honest post. I am a relatively private person, so it’s taken quite a while to draft this and have enough courage to actually post it.

So, my best friend from college started a Facebook group about getting healthy, losing weight, etc. and I joined the group. It’s actually been nice to “meet” other people who are her friends from other parts of life and see how we’re all trying to encourage each other in our individual efforts to get healthy (or healthier).

I got in a really nice groove last year of working out, eating well and losing weight. While I didn’t lose as much as I wanted to as fast as I wanted to, at least I wasn’t gaining. That was huge! I didn’t notice a lot of changes in myself, other than being able to run longer than normal, lift higher weights than normal, not have as much of a “muffin top”, etc., but other people were telling me they could see a difference. That, too, was huge! Then somewhere between April and May, I kinda dropped off the map. I got really busy with work, started going to a new church and got really involved there, and fell into the “no time” trap. It sucks … it’s almost been a year and I’m back to where I was pre-workout groove. It’s easy to start playing the pity game, but I’m trying really hard to refuse that option!

Reality is what I’ve been thinking about quite a bit recently. There are so many things to think that will only hinder my ability to get healthy or lose weight. It’s thinking things that aren’t reality. Things like:

  • “If only I was like _____ and could lose weight by just eating well.”
  • “If only I was like _____ and could eat crap (not literally) and not gain weight.”
  • “If only I didn’t have PCOS and could just take a run or lift some weights and lose inches instantly.”
  • “If only I had _____’s metabolism.”
  • “If only I wore size __ and could look good in anything.”
  • “If only I had more money and could do Crossfit or something fun like that.”
  • “If only I kept up with my personal training sessions at the gym.”

See where that leads? It gives me excuses.

I’m not _____ and I can’t lose weight by just eating well; because I’m not ____ and gain weight even when eating well; because I do have PCOS and it screws with weight loss (for real); because I don’ have _____’s metabolism; because I don’t wear a size __ and can’t wear what everyone else does; because I don’t have money for “fun” workouts like Crossfit; because I didn’t keep up with my personal training sessions … THIS IS MY REALITY, whether or not I like it.

The reality is I will likely never be that skinny girl that I envision in my mind. But that will have to be OK … who said healthy had to be skinny?

So what can I do about it? I can keep hoping the statements above are my reality or I can do something about them, because they’re not. I’m setting some goals for myself, realizing that they are somewhat longterm, so I can have a new reality of feeling and looking good about myself.

This is taking so much courage to post the following realities … but here are some goals to combat the harsh realities:

  • Exercise at least 50 minutes five days each week. Reality today: I don’t remember the last time I checked in at the gym (but I did go for a walk/jog this week!). 
  • Get to 150 lbs (even less would be great, but for now this is a big goal number); I haven’t weighed that much since before high school. Reality today: 212 lbs. 
  • Achieve 25-28% overall body fat. Reality today: 38%. 
  • Learn to tolerate (notice I didn’t say “learn to like”) running. Participate in the 2014 Tinker Bell Half-Marathon; it’s next January and it’s at Disneyland … if I have to run, that sounds like a pretty awesome one! Reality today: I can barely run a continuous mile (as in one).
  • Get my PCOS under control (separate post about this coming). Reality today: I’ve been playing the “ignorance is bliss” card … and it’s not really bliss. 

What are some of your goals for yourself? Do you run from your reality? Or try dictate your reality when it’s really not?

As you can probably gather from the title of this post, I’m writing about some struggles that I’m going through. Not sure how to deal with all of them, but for now writing about them seems like a good idea (and hopefully I’ll able to look back on this post, laugh and realize how pity these things were).

Generally speaking, I’d like to consider myself a content person. I grew up in a great family but we weren’t kids who had everything and the things we did have, we usually had to work for. That, and my parents always taught us that we should be “content in all things,” which I’m sure has played a large role into who I am today.

But when does contentment become complacency? Where’s the shift from being OK where I am (because I don’t “need” more) become a downfall where I should’ve gone for more? Can I be both content and ambitious simultaneously? Do the two even mix … at all?

“My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry” ~ Sanctus Real

Those are some of the thoughts that I’ve been thinking over the past few months. You know when people say “get your head on straight” or something of that nature? Yeah, honestly I feel sometimes that my head is on too straight. Is that possible?! When people say they’re “living the dream,” what does that really mean?!

I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m struggling to be content vs. complacent with. Well, glad you asked. Almost everything. Right now, I’m comfortable saying “I’m good” with where I am in life. But I also thought that five years ago, and today I look back and have some regrets about things I did and didn’t do, people I met or didn’t meet, places I went or didn’t go. A few specific examples … Work is great but am I on the path to reach my best potential? Life is great but if I stay the way I am, in 10 years will I just be the exact same “me” but only a 35-year-old version of myself? Friends are great, but am I just everyone else’s mutual friend?

I understand (maybe too well) that things don’t fall from the sky into my lap, money definitely does not grow on trees, opportunities don’t knock at the door, and relationships don’t suddenly begin; but if I don’t try harder on my own, will anything ever be different? Or better?

This year, I really am trying to reach for the bigger things, the better opportunities, my greater potential, etc. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to balance it all.

This post probably sounds Eeyore-like post, which I don’t intend it to be, but these are real (honest) thoughts that have been plaguing my mind. I don’t even know where I’m really going with this, except to say here is one of many posts to come that are a bit more on the honest reality side of things.

Do you struggle with being content? How about becoming complacent? What do you do to balance the two?

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